The following are blogifications of my some of my old and lost videos. It seemed important to preserve them. Enjoy, and stay frosty.
What Does a Satanist Believe In?
The answer to this question is simple and direct: A Satanist believes in himself.
There's no need to dress this up, whatever you're already wearing will do.
How to Be a Satanist
There are no "real" Satanists, only real people.
If you want to be a "real Satanist", get real.
Don't be proud to be a Satanist, be proud to be yourself.
Why Satanism?
Satanism is a religion which builds the ego. There's no rational reason to name such a religion Satanism unless the name is useful to build the ego.
Practicing Satanism isn't the only way you can do this. You can do it with a big red codpiece or a funky pirate shirt -- anything that someone is guaranteed to not like and try to call you on will work.
When they do, and they will, tell them flatly but politely that you don't care what they think.[1]
And that's it. The whole point is give people who need a target and successfully assert yourself. Really, if someone has a problem with your loose fitting pirate shirt, it's really their problem, not yours.
It's worth noting that the tradition of "Hail Satan!" works well for this. Some people don't like this. Fuck 'em.
We are Our Own Gods
According to psychology, everyone has a locus of control.
Some people have an internal locus of control and some people have a outer locus of control.
Someone with an inner locus of control takes responsibility for themselves and bears the responsibility of their actions. Someone with an outer locus of control externalizes responsibility and passes the buck to other people.
For example, if you have an inner locus of control and beat a crack habit you get to be proud of yourself.
On the other hand, if you an outer locus of control you get to praise Jeebus.
Whether or not a Christian's god is real is a moot point. The real point is whether or not the Christian has an inner or outer locus of control. Actually, that's not the real point. The only real point is that we are our own gods.
Fun With Freakouts
Ready for this? This one is for the Big Boys. If you're not one, don't attempt this.
Every now and then you get a freakout. You know the kind of person I'm talking about. Someone who looks at you from the end of their wrinkled nose and mutters the following phrase with an uptight, accusative tone:
"You're a SATANIST?!?!"
Here's a few responses that might come in useful for these situations.
Q: "You're a SATANIST?!?!?"
A: Yeah.... duh. (raised eyebrow)
Q: "You're a SATANIST?!?!?"
A: Yup. Me, the devil, and the devils bitches. We're all doing fine.
Q: "You're a SATANIST?!?!?"
A: Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's too late to make reservations for the Satanic orgy. Better luck next year? (raised eyebrow)
Q: "You're a SATANIST?!?!?"
A: Uh... (raise your hand like a confused sock puppet, turn it towards you as it if is looking at you, and speak for it in a high pitched, cartoon voice.)
HP: You're a Satanist?
A: Yeah...
HP: How long have you been a Satanist?
A: Well uh...
HP: And I'm attached to you?!? CUT ME OFF CUT ME OFF!!!
Feel free to make up your own.
FOOTNOTES
[1] However, if you chose to do the Humpty Dance for this (which I highly recommend), remember, the correct response is "Step off! I'm doin' the HUMP."
[2] The ninth Satanic Statement illustrates this well. It can be summed up in one word: "PFFFT!"
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